sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
