okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
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I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
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You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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