Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
BRING THE BAGELS
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Randomize
