Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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