i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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