then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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