my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
