I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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