trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
