Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
