I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
