I heard we made out
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
