His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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