oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
