my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
