Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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