he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize