I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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