He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
she peed on how many people?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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