I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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