Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
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