I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
