I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize