I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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