I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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