walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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