saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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