He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I have aggressive nipples.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
