my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize