Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
