proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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