Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
