Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
