They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
