a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
