pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
