I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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