He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
