so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
