I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
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i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
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Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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