A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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