my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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