Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
