I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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