I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I deserve this hangover.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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