I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
