hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Life is so much better after having sex.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
