Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
