how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
