Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
