Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
