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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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