Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Randomize
