my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
