they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
