mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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