It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
