I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Threesome in a minivan. New low
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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