i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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