It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
did i walk over a car last night?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
