i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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