does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
