Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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