No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
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Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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