I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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