Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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