ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
