im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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