respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
