just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
3 2 1 whiskey
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
