i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
