Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Houston, we have a squirter
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
