Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
