OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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