i think my mom watched the whole time
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
