thus making me awesome and them whores
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
