we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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