get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
